Here's a sentence I never thought I'd say. The finals week of Great British Menu is reminding me a lot of the Psychology course I did on the International Baccalaureate.
I've already said all I need to say about the show so far (in short: the brief is weird, the editing is weird, the chefs are pricks), but now it's finals week, and there's one element of finals week that I find absolutely fascinating.
In the regionals it's always a treat to see someone cook their little socks off, just for one of the judges (probably Oliver) to say 'Well, this isn't good enough. They clearly haven't tried at all'. Always makes me laugh. In finals week, though, it's not just the judges giving out scores, but the chefs too. And they don't sit round a table and discuss it, they splinter off into little groups. There's ususally about three or four separate groups all pronouncing their judgements independently of the others.
Now to psychology. In the fifties, Solomon Asch conducted studies into group conformity. In his initial experiment, one test subject was placed with a group of stooges. All were asked a simple visual question with an easy answer (pick which line is the longest, or something). The stooges all gave the wrong answer. Asch found that, after conducting the test a number of times, around 75% of people would give an incorrect answer at least once to conform with the group consensus, with 35% conforming at any one time. Asch then ran a number of follow ups, finding that conformity rates were highest with three stooges, while high group numbers actually lowered conformity. The presence of just one other person disagreeing with the group would lower conformity rates.
Back to the chefs. They're all off in their little groups, and you can actually see Asch's theories play out in front of you. Obviously here it's all subjective and there's no strictly right or wrong answer, but the cheeky editor is very keen on following one person saying 'This is really over seasoned', with that group nodding in agreement, with someone from another group saying 'The seasoning is perfect', with their group nodding in agreement. One person's strong opinion will sway the whole group - and these are people not short of confidence in their own opinion. Keep an eye on Colin and Emily. Emily is quite generous with her scores, and any group with her in will probably mark a dish highly. Bless Colin, but he is a little bitch, and will pull the scores down in his group. And just like Asch found, there's more disagreement when the group is larger. If I were a scientist, I would be positively aroused at the papers I could write on this.
Any psychologists reading this, maybe look into writing something on the practical applications of conformity theory in modern competitive cooking shows. But remember to reference me.
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Wednesday, 4 June 2014
Monday, 21 April 2014
Invention Test Roadshow
Speaking of cooking shows, I really like what Masterchef has done with the invention test, where contestants are given a box of possible ingredients and have to use a selection of them to make something edible. It's the easiest bit of the show to 'play along' with, armchair chef that I am. Of course it's not the same, what with the pressure of being put on the spot and not having access to the stuff you would usually have in your kitchen, but I like to think I'd do pretty well if I had to.
Rather sounds like fun, in fact.
So this lovely Easter weekend, Pete and I thought we'd do something a little different for dinners. One of us would go out and get various ingredients, the other one would have to make something out of them.
The rules:
1) The buyer will get four ingredients, and the chef will have to use at least three in the final meal.
2) Only other ingredients that are already in the kitchen can be used (we had no meat, no cheese, a little creme fraiche, carrots, potatoes and onions for veg, and the usual store cupboard staples and spices).
3) The buyer shouldn't be too mean.
We flipped a coin, and I went up to bat first. I braced myself as Pete went to the shops. He came back with:
Brinjal pickle
Beef burgers
Limes
Ritz crackers
I'll pause while you have a think about that.
So. I figured the beefburgers would make up the bulk of the meal, but keeping them as they were seemed a little boring, so I was inclined to cut them into bits. Flavour wise, the brinjal pickle was obviously going to lead the way (I tried some, and it was deep, salty and hot), and that left limes and crackers. Since the pickle was so hot, I thought a little cool, creamy dip incorporating limes would work well. The crackers I should have left alone, but whatever. I thought I could make a crunchy topping with them. Whatever. I don't even care.
Ideas formed. Pete watched excitedly.
I started off by cutting the burgers into quarters, then loosely forming them into meatballs and frying them. While they cooked, I chopped an onion and softened it a little in the saucepan before adding 3-4 tablespoons of the pickle. This turned out quite gluey so I added about a mug of water, and let the whole thing simmer for about 10 minutes.
I then took some of the creme fraiche that was in the fridge (about 4 tablespoons) and added the grated zest of a lime, and a small clove of crushed garlic. The lime flavour didn't come through as much as I thought it would, so I also added the juice from half a lime. The other half I put into the brinjal sauce, because I hate waste. I made a crunchy cracker topping by crushing the crackers and mixing them with toasted sesame seeds and coconut flakes, and a good pinch of ground coriander. I put these two in bowls to serve separately.
I knew the cracker topping wouldn't be nearly enough of a starchy contribution to go with the meatballs, so I also sauteed some potatoes. They took ages and I ended up burning them slightly, but whatever.
So the whole thing:
Beefburger meatballs in brinjal pickle sauce, with sauteed potatoes, lime and garlic dip, and crushed cracker, sesame seed and coconut topping.
Conclusion: Yeah, pretty good. The sauce was excellent and worked well with the beef, and the creamy dip I think was a necessary counterpart. In fact, I liked the dip so much I will probably make it again. The crackers were fine, but entirely unnecessary. Whatever.
The next day was my turn to buy. The next day was also Easter Sunday, which I had not factored into my plans, as it meant the grocers was shut and I couldn't get any weird veg, which I really wanted to do.
Buying was trickier than I thought. I didn't want to get anything that pointed in one particular direction, so my instinct of picking one thing and following up with things I thought would go with it was off the table. I finally settled on:
Gammon steaks
Butternut squash
Coconut milk
Olive ciabatta rolls
It was terribly exciting watching Pete steeple his fingers and walk up and down with purposeful intent. I can't tell you exactly what he did, since the whole process is shrouded in secrecy, but I can tell you that it involved many pans and some swearing.
This is what he ended up with:
Gammon chunks in a smooth squash and coconut sauce, spiced with cumin, coriander, cinnamon and chilli, with toasted ciabbatta rolls for dipping.
It was a really delicious and warming combination, and it made the whole house smell amazing.
It's hard to say who won exactly. I think we were both more critical of our own efforts, so I preferred his dish and he preferred mine. The whole thing was good fun but is best reserved for holiday weekends since it needs a little prep work, but I'd still recommend it. And I don't doubt we'll try it again - come back again for round 2.
Rather sounds like fun, in fact.
So this lovely Easter weekend, Pete and I thought we'd do something a little different for dinners. One of us would go out and get various ingredients, the other one would have to make something out of them.
The rules:
1) The buyer will get four ingredients, and the chef will have to use at least three in the final meal.
2) Only other ingredients that are already in the kitchen can be used (we had no meat, no cheese, a little creme fraiche, carrots, potatoes and onions for veg, and the usual store cupboard staples and spices).
3) The buyer shouldn't be too mean.
We flipped a coin, and I went up to bat first. I braced myself as Pete went to the shops. He came back with:
Brinjal pickle
Beef burgers
Limes
Ritz crackers
 |
| As you can see |
So. I figured the beefburgers would make up the bulk of the meal, but keeping them as they were seemed a little boring, so I was inclined to cut them into bits. Flavour wise, the brinjal pickle was obviously going to lead the way (I tried some, and it was deep, salty and hot), and that left limes and crackers. Since the pickle was so hot, I thought a little cool, creamy dip incorporating limes would work well. The crackers I should have left alone, but whatever. I thought I could make a crunchy topping with them. Whatever. I don't even care.
Ideas formed. Pete watched excitedly.
 |
| Excited. |
I then took some of the creme fraiche that was in the fridge (about 4 tablespoons) and added the grated zest of a lime, and a small clove of crushed garlic. The lime flavour didn't come through as much as I thought it would, so I also added the juice from half a lime. The other half I put into the brinjal sauce, because I hate waste. I made a crunchy cracker topping by crushing the crackers and mixing them with toasted sesame seeds and coconut flakes, and a good pinch of ground coriander. I put these two in bowls to serve separately.
 |
| Like a muller crunch corner |
So the whole thing:
Beefburger meatballs in brinjal pickle sauce, with sauteed potatoes, lime and garlic dip, and crushed cracker, sesame seed and coconut topping.
Conclusion: Yeah, pretty good. The sauce was excellent and worked well with the beef, and the creamy dip I think was a necessary counterpart. In fact, I liked the dip so much I will probably make it again. The crackers were fine, but entirely unnecessary. Whatever.
The next day was my turn to buy. The next day was also Easter Sunday, which I had not factored into my plans, as it meant the grocers was shut and I couldn't get any weird veg, which I really wanted to do.
Buying was trickier than I thought. I didn't want to get anything that pointed in one particular direction, so my instinct of picking one thing and following up with things I thought would go with it was off the table. I finally settled on:
Gammon steaks
Butternut squash
Coconut milk
Olive ciabatta rolls
 |
| Boom. |
 |
| Hard at work. |
Gammon chunks in a smooth squash and coconut sauce, spiced with cumin, coriander, cinnamon and chilli, with toasted ciabbatta rolls for dipping.
 |
| Gammon curry, basically. |
It's hard to say who won exactly. I think we were both more critical of our own efforts, so I preferred his dish and he preferred mine. The whole thing was good fun but is best reserved for holiday weekends since it needs a little prep work, but I'd still recommend it. And I don't doubt we'll try it again - come back again for round 2.
Tuesday, 15 April 2014
A word on The Great British Menu
It's back. One of the few fun shows for all the family where there is 90% probability that any given person appearing on screen is an irredeemable prick.
Last year I really enjoyed my weekly review, pointing out my favourite dishes, who was the biggest prick, the judges comments, any drama caused by pricks, the winners and losers, and the least prickish prick*.
*There are very few genuinely sympathetic contestants, so it's not a question of someone being nice, just noticeably less prickish than the others
I still love the show, but from what I've seen in this first week I fear I would largely be repeating myself if I were to do the same thing again.
So the brief this year is for the chefs to create dishes that celebrate the veterans of D-Day, evoking a patriotic, 40's wartime spirit. OK. Sure. So far, so typical GBM. But if there was one thing we learnt from last year when the brief was to make 'comedy' food, it's that chefs Do. Not. Get. Tone. And telling a group of (how to put it?) pricks with no sense of tone to make something vaguely to do with war, seems pretty dicey to me. Example: last week, dull-eyed madman Ray made a starter of pigeon (homing pigeons, geddit?) with a note clutched in its claw (so clever!) that read something like 'Beach taken, casualties light'. And it went down a storm. They loved it. Does no one else find that unutterably tacky? To serve this to veterans, who may have used actual homing pigeons and who definitely saw actual casualties, no one else finds this kind of off? No one thinks that making the actual war that actually happened and people actually died in the 'theme' for a meal is a bit disrespectful? Yes, celebrate the veterans, sure, and good job too, but I can't see how making a dish based on someone's harrowing experiences is really the best way to celebrate them.
And that's before we even get to the dick swinging. Oh, lord, the dick swinging. I was obviously braced for it (overly aggressive competitiveness is, after all, a large part of the prickish sensibility), but factor in the brief and we've got whole new opportunities for self-aggrandisement. 'I'm doing it for the veterans', they say 'I really want to win this to honour their sacrifice'. The implicit meaning that these other chefs, they might just want to win for themselves, not like me, I want to win for the heroes, and doesn't that kind of make me a hero too? I might not mind it so much if it didn't so clearly reek of insincerity. But they aren't actors. They're chefs. And chefs Don't. Get. Tone.
There are still a lot of great things. Last week Tom Kerridge was delightfully encouraging and Marcus Wareing delightfully menacing. Despite some people's best endeavours, the cooking still looks inventive and fun. And my absolute favourite aspect of the show - the editing - is still provocatively incoherent. Any laughter is cut, making it look like no one can take a joke ever, and every sentence is met with a full minute of scowling. In the episode from Friday a shot of one chef climbing a hill in his hometown was immediately followed by a shot of the other chef arriving at the kitchen, giving the impression that they were both on their way to the studio but one took a wildly divergent route and got lost in the countryside. It was so weird that I got the giggles, and then I couldn't drink my wine because my hand was shaking from laughter, and then the fact that I was laughing at something so bizarre made me laugh even harder and I started to cry a bit and had to put my glass down. And then Pete was sitting next to me with such a weary yet patient expression waiting for me to explain why I was laughing for seemingly no reason at all that I got even worse and had a bit of a meltdown. It was the editing, Pete. The editing.
So this year I'm leaving all that behind. I'll watch it, and no doubt shout at the TV, but there's only so many times I can write 'But they're all such pricks!'. It's a lot, but there's a limit.
Last year I really enjoyed my weekly review, pointing out my favourite dishes, who was the biggest prick, the judges comments, any drama caused by pricks, the winners and losers, and the least prickish prick*.
*There are very few genuinely sympathetic contestants, so it's not a question of someone being nice, just noticeably less prickish than the others
I still love the show, but from what I've seen in this first week I fear I would largely be repeating myself if I were to do the same thing again.
So the brief this year is for the chefs to create dishes that celebrate the veterans of D-Day, evoking a patriotic, 40's wartime spirit. OK. Sure. So far, so typical GBM. But if there was one thing we learnt from last year when the brief was to make 'comedy' food, it's that chefs Do. Not. Get. Tone. And telling a group of (how to put it?) pricks with no sense of tone to make something vaguely to do with war, seems pretty dicey to me. Example: last week, dull-eyed madman Ray made a starter of pigeon (homing pigeons, geddit?) with a note clutched in its claw (so clever!) that read something like 'Beach taken, casualties light'. And it went down a storm. They loved it. Does no one else find that unutterably tacky? To serve this to veterans, who may have used actual homing pigeons and who definitely saw actual casualties, no one else finds this kind of off? No one thinks that making the actual war that actually happened and people actually died in the 'theme' for a meal is a bit disrespectful? Yes, celebrate the veterans, sure, and good job too, but I can't see how making a dish based on someone's harrowing experiences is really the best way to celebrate them.
And that's before we even get to the dick swinging. Oh, lord, the dick swinging. I was obviously braced for it (overly aggressive competitiveness is, after all, a large part of the prickish sensibility), but factor in the brief and we've got whole new opportunities for self-aggrandisement. 'I'm doing it for the veterans', they say 'I really want to win this to honour their sacrifice'. The implicit meaning that these other chefs, they might just want to win for themselves, not like me, I want to win for the heroes, and doesn't that kind of make me a hero too? I might not mind it so much if it didn't so clearly reek of insincerity. But they aren't actors. They're chefs. And chefs Don't. Get. Tone.
There are still a lot of great things. Last week Tom Kerridge was delightfully encouraging and Marcus Wareing delightfully menacing. Despite some people's best endeavours, the cooking still looks inventive and fun. And my absolute favourite aspect of the show - the editing - is still provocatively incoherent. Any laughter is cut, making it look like no one can take a joke ever, and every sentence is met with a full minute of scowling. In the episode from Friday a shot of one chef climbing a hill in his hometown was immediately followed by a shot of the other chef arriving at the kitchen, giving the impression that they were both on their way to the studio but one took a wildly divergent route and got lost in the countryside. It was so weird that I got the giggles, and then I couldn't drink my wine because my hand was shaking from laughter, and then the fact that I was laughing at something so bizarre made me laugh even harder and I started to cry a bit and had to put my glass down. And then Pete was sitting next to me with such a weary yet patient expression waiting for me to explain why I was laughing for seemingly no reason at all that I got even worse and had a bit of a meltdown. It was the editing, Pete. The editing.
So this year I'm leaving all that behind. I'll watch it, and no doubt shout at the TV, but there's only so many times I can write 'But they're all such pricks!'. It's a lot, but there's a limit.
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
GBM 5, 6 and 7
A triple update! How exciting!
Week 5 has to be my favourite week so far. Not only was it based in my newly adopted home region of the South West, but it also felt like a good, friendly competition. The standard was high, and judged by cuddly over-sized teddy bear Tom Kerridge. Who I love a little bit. Other judges come in and tell the competitors to buck up and get to work, but Kerridge trots up, says 'Don't be nervous!' in his thick Gloucester burr, and proceeds to have a jolly nice time with everyone. Just lovely.
The chefs were all new to the competition. There was Emily, who looked a bit like Emilia Fox from Silent Witness and a bit like a sparrow; Chris, who I don't have anything amusing to say about; and Peter Sanchez-Inglesias, whose name I love and whose accent was a cross between trendy London and North Bristol so it was great when his dad turned up and was total Spaniard.
I really liked Emily's ideas, but I think she had a bit of a rough week - there were some scores for her which I thought should have been higher, but what do I know, I can't taste it. Chris bugged me a bit. His food looked fine, but he straight up said that he didn't know how to make food funny. I mean, it's a tough brief, sure, and he's certainly not the first contestant to have no sense of humour, but to not even know how to try sort of baffles me. Make something into the shape of a knob and have done with it. Jeez.
I would have been happy with either Emily or Peter winning, but Peter had it pretty much in the bag. Here's my highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Tough. I quite like everyone, but I'm voting for Chris because he has no sense of humour.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Kerridge, hands down.
Moment of the Week - The camera is set up on Chris, who moves out the way to reveal an eery half reflection of Kerridge in the glass door, looking like nothing so much as Pipes from Ghost Watch. Amazing.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Lot's of good ones here, but Emily's 'Shoot Lunch' venison took my fancy. Special shout out to Peter's Sunday Lunch.
Wild card of the Week - Simon Day being funny, but clearly a bit of a miserable sod.
Week 6 - Northern Ireland.
While I really don't want to be racially insensitive to the Northern Irish (I'm lying, I'm a massive racist), this week's competitors were clearly members of the supporting cast of Father Ted. There was Chris Fearon as Father Dick Burn, "Seriously though, Ted, I think you might win", "Do you really think so?" "NO!", Raymond McArdle as Father Fitzgerald (the one with the world's most boring voice), and Ian Orr as Father Larry Duff. I don't have a great analogy for that one, but he kind of looks like him.
Compared with the feelgood factor of last week, this week was really difficult to watch. Ian Orr (haha, it's like 'Eeyore') was ok, but Chris used to work for Raymond and I'm going to go out on a limb and say they didn't get on. I quite liked Chris in previous years, but Raymond clearly got him riled so there was some serious dick swinging going on. Raymond just made me uncomfortable. I think he was trying to be witty and banterish, but he came across as a no-agenda with mild crazy eye.
This could have been called 'The Week of the Tortured Metaphor'. Glyn Purnell (who I used to like, but stopped when I saw him say something vaguely racist on Saturday Kitchen. Yes, I'm a racist hypocrite) was the worst at this, but Ray did his fair share. Ray: 'Will your fish dish sink or swim? Chris: 'What?'.
The food generally looked pretty decent. As in previous years, Chris's ideas were better than the execution, but I still can't believe Ray won. That guy is going to get some serious beats in the final. Anyway, highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Close call between Chris and Raymond, but I'm going to go with the latter. The clincher was when he was fiddling about with some of Chris's props, to which he was (quite rightly) told to fuck off. Instead of laughing it off, or putting up his hands and saying 'fair enough' he got all defensive and went on about it just being a laugh. People who defend bad behaviour by claiming it was a joke really wind me up, so Raymond must now suffer as a result of my own bug-bears. I stand by it.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Ian Orr (haha, like 'Eeyore').
Moment of the Week - Chris on Raymond's 'Titanic' main course: "The Titanic doesn't make me laugh. It reminds me of death".
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Chris' beef pie. That looked proper. Can't believe Ray won.
Wild card of the Week - Ray's 'Chocolate Volcano' that completely failed to erupt and looked kind of gross. Can't believe he won.
Week 7 - Central
This week had previous winner Daniel Clifford, with Will Holland (Duncan Goodhew) and Richard Bainbridge (hairy hipster Duncan Goodhew).
Oh Daniel. Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. Last year he got his main course to the banquet (even though his other dishes weren't all that), and as a result his ego has swollen like my thumb when I've been fiddling with a hangnail too much and it goes all sore. I'm surprised he didn't have to stand really far apart to make room for his massive balls. So, Daniel was in this round, and had adopted a very patronising, almost patrician air towards the other chefs. I really wanted someone to beat him, and Bainbridge gave him a good run for his money in the final, but I will grudgingly admit he probably deserved to win. Dick. Richard had some really great dishes, but wasn't quite up to the same standard. Will's cooking was probably decent, but he had completely ignored the brief, and I was pleased to see that Marcus Wareing (who I have a soft spot for) came down on that quite hard. Seriously, guys, read the brief.
Highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Cliffooooooooooord!
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Despite an ill-advised puppet show version of a GBM final, I do think Richard was really quite sweet.
Moment of the Week - Daniel actually being quite gracious after winning - you really felt for Richard after he'd tried so hard.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Richard's guinea fowl in a massive red dinosaur egg.
Wild card of the Week - Vic Reeves was guest judge. He didn't do much, but Vic Reeves gets a free pass because Vic Reeves.
Week 5 has to be my favourite week so far. Not only was it based in my newly adopted home region of the South West, but it also felt like a good, friendly competition. The standard was high, and judged by cuddly over-sized teddy bear Tom Kerridge. Who I love a little bit. Other judges come in and tell the competitors to buck up and get to work, but Kerridge trots up, says 'Don't be nervous!' in his thick Gloucester burr, and proceeds to have a jolly nice time with everyone. Just lovely.
The chefs were all new to the competition. There was Emily, who looked a bit like Emilia Fox from Silent Witness and a bit like a sparrow; Chris, who I don't have anything amusing to say about; and Peter Sanchez-Inglesias, whose name I love and whose accent was a cross between trendy London and North Bristol so it was great when his dad turned up and was total Spaniard.
I really liked Emily's ideas, but I think she had a bit of a rough week - there were some scores for her which I thought should have been higher, but what do I know, I can't taste it. Chris bugged me a bit. His food looked fine, but he straight up said that he didn't know how to make food funny. I mean, it's a tough brief, sure, and he's certainly not the first contestant to have no sense of humour, but to not even know how to try sort of baffles me. Make something into the shape of a knob and have done with it. Jeez.
I would have been happy with either Emily or Peter winning, but Peter had it pretty much in the bag. Here's my highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Tough. I quite like everyone, but I'm voting for Chris because he has no sense of humour.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Kerridge, hands down.
Moment of the Week - The camera is set up on Chris, who moves out the way to reveal an eery half reflection of Kerridge in the glass door, looking like nothing so much as Pipes from Ghost Watch. Amazing.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Lot's of good ones here, but Emily's 'Shoot Lunch' venison took my fancy. Special shout out to Peter's Sunday Lunch.
Wild card of the Week - Simon Day being funny, but clearly a bit of a miserable sod.
Week 6 - Northern Ireland.
While I really don't want to be racially insensitive to the Northern Irish (I'm lying, I'm a massive racist), this week's competitors were clearly members of the supporting cast of Father Ted. There was Chris Fearon as Father Dick Burn, "Seriously though, Ted, I think you might win", "Do you really think so?" "NO!", Raymond McArdle as Father Fitzgerald (the one with the world's most boring voice), and Ian Orr as Father Larry Duff. I don't have a great analogy for that one, but he kind of looks like him.
Compared with the feelgood factor of last week, this week was really difficult to watch. Ian Orr (haha, it's like 'Eeyore') was ok, but Chris used to work for Raymond and I'm going to go out on a limb and say they didn't get on. I quite liked Chris in previous years, but Raymond clearly got him riled so there was some serious dick swinging going on. Raymond just made me uncomfortable. I think he was trying to be witty and banterish, but he came across as a no-agenda with mild crazy eye.
This could have been called 'The Week of the Tortured Metaphor'. Glyn Purnell (who I used to like, but stopped when I saw him say something vaguely racist on Saturday Kitchen. Yes, I'm a racist hypocrite) was the worst at this, but Ray did his fair share. Ray: 'Will your fish dish sink or swim? Chris: 'What?'.
The food generally looked pretty decent. As in previous years, Chris's ideas were better than the execution, but I still can't believe Ray won. That guy is going to get some serious beats in the final. Anyway, highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Close call between Chris and Raymond, but I'm going to go with the latter. The clincher was when he was fiddling about with some of Chris's props, to which he was (quite rightly) told to fuck off. Instead of laughing it off, or putting up his hands and saying 'fair enough' he got all defensive and went on about it just being a laugh. People who defend bad behaviour by claiming it was a joke really wind me up, so Raymond must now suffer as a result of my own bug-bears. I stand by it.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Ian Orr (haha, like 'Eeyore').
Moment of the Week - Chris on Raymond's 'Titanic' main course: "The Titanic doesn't make me laugh. It reminds me of death".
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Chris' beef pie. That looked proper. Can't believe Ray won.
Wild card of the Week - Ray's 'Chocolate Volcano' that completely failed to erupt and looked kind of gross. Can't believe he won.
Week 7 - Central
This week had previous winner Daniel Clifford, with Will Holland (Duncan Goodhew) and Richard Bainbridge (hairy hipster Duncan Goodhew).
Oh Daniel. Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. Last year he got his main course to the banquet (even though his other dishes weren't all that), and as a result his ego has swollen like my thumb when I've been fiddling with a hangnail too much and it goes all sore. I'm surprised he didn't have to stand really far apart to make room for his massive balls. So, Daniel was in this round, and had adopted a very patronising, almost patrician air towards the other chefs. I really wanted someone to beat him, and Bainbridge gave him a good run for his money in the final, but I will grudgingly admit he probably deserved to win. Dick. Richard had some really great dishes, but wasn't quite up to the same standard. Will's cooking was probably decent, but he had completely ignored the brief, and I was pleased to see that Marcus Wareing (who I have a soft spot for) came down on that quite hard. Seriously, guys, read the brief.
Highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Cliffooooooooooord!
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Despite an ill-advised puppet show version of a GBM final, I do think Richard was really quite sweet.
Moment of the Week - Daniel actually being quite gracious after winning - you really felt for Richard after he'd tried so hard.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Richard's guinea fowl in a massive red dinosaur egg.
Wild card of the Week - Vic Reeves was guest judge. He didn't do much, but Vic Reeves gets a free pass because Vic Reeves.
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
GBM weeks 3 and 4
A double update!
Week 3 was the North West, featuring Aiden (Northern Lex Luther), Mary Ellen (ditzy chemistry teacher) and Chris (*yawn*... sorry, what? Who? Oh yeah, that guy), judged by previous winner Phil Howard.
The theme for this week was 'The Reformed Bell-End'. Both Phil and Aiden were insufferable in their own special ways in previous years, but actually came out alright this time. Phil's arrogance didn't feature so much when he got to be a judge, and he was a reasonably fair one at that. And Aiden used to be the absolute poster boy for over-competitiveness (competitiveness? competitivity?) and snarking, but (while that side of him didn't completely disappear) the fact that both Mary Ellen and Chris were quite nice and not rising to it meant that he didn't have anyone to be over-competitive with.
I tell you what I didn't like so much. The narrator constantly harping on about the chef's failings. Mary Ellen had a rough first round and came up late, but still got high marks, which you wouldn't know if you only heard the VO banging on about how precarious her position was. And the epithet they came up with for Aiden was 'three time loser'. Not cool, writers. As time went by I found myself rooting for Aiden more and more. Mary Ellen was obviously nicer and had some cool ideas, but Aiden was so desperate to win and put so much effort in it became quite endearing. He even teared up a couple of times when he got high scores. Bless.
Aiden ended up the winner, but here's my highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - This was a tough one. Phil was condescending and Aiden was bolshy, but I'm going to have to give this one to Guest Judge Rowland Rivron. Because screw that guy.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Mary Ellen. She didn't quite hit it this year but I think she'll do well in the future.
Moment of the Week - The tears of Lex Luther when he finally beat Superman. I mean, won the final.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - A tie between Aiden's beef dish and Mary Ellen's Bathtub of Beans. I'm not a fan of crabmeat, but it did look pretty cool. I love food that's made to look like other things.
Wild card of the Week - Rowland Rivron teaming up with Matthew Fort to make Dad jokes.
Week 4 was in the North East, with (I think) exactly the same competitors as last year. The only difference was the judge was Jason Atherton instead of Nigel Haworth, which produced much rejoicing, as Haworth was one of my least favourite judges of all time. Atherton was alright, but his grammar drove Pete barmy. 'Pronouns are not interchangeable motherfuckeeeeerrr'.
The chefs were Colin (slightly effete previous winner with a dry-ice fetish) Stephanie (mad-eyed eager country lass) and Charlie (dead ringer for the kind of guy who used to hit on me at my old Uni's Alt-Rock nights*, so I remain surprised he isn't actually a 4th year engineering student wearing a Korn t-shirt).
By all rights, this should have been Stephanie's year. She's had gimmicky-fun leanings before, but it seemed that Nigel Haworth (grrr) knocked those out of her last year when he consistently picked on her, even pulling her away for a chat about how badly she was doing (she was doing fine, he just didn't get it). In my view, Charlie was the one who hit the brief, even when it was bit, uhh, much. But Colin was streets ahead of the other two and it wasn't much of a surprise when he won. Having said that, it was really close between him and Stephanie on the final day, and when Tim Brooke-Taylor came back to tell them how close it was I really enjoyed seeing his face fall. He was a bit too smug.
Anyway, the highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Charlie. In a way this series has been a lot more diverse than previous ones. The pricks they've featured have ranged from 'smug prick' to 'annoying prick', but I have to say it's nice to see a good old fashioned 'aggressively competitive prick' again. Well played, Charlie, well played.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Stephanie 'Mad-eye' Moon. Gawd bless her.
Moment of the Week - When Charlie brought up his starter that looked like a dog turd, and Jason Atherton was clearly unimpressed.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - You know, I'm going to go with Charlie's Take Away kebab dish. I know it got slated and looked a bit of a mess, but I think it was a neat idea and took balls. Charlie wins again.
Wild card of the Week - Atherton: 'I'm looking for a plate what delivers good'. Pete: 'Fuck yooooooooou'.
I won't leave it so long next time. Promise
*I don't mean to brag here. Even back in the day I tended to give off a matronly, maternal air, so the Prog fans found me comforting while the Metalheads wanted to corrupt me. Ahh, the alt-rock crowd. I truly was their queen.
Week 3 was the North West, featuring Aiden (Northern Lex Luther), Mary Ellen (ditzy chemistry teacher) and Chris (*yawn*... sorry, what? Who? Oh yeah, that guy), judged by previous winner Phil Howard.
The theme for this week was 'The Reformed Bell-End'. Both Phil and Aiden were insufferable in their own special ways in previous years, but actually came out alright this time. Phil's arrogance didn't feature so much when he got to be a judge, and he was a reasonably fair one at that. And Aiden used to be the absolute poster boy for over-competitiveness (competitiveness? competitivity?) and snarking, but (while that side of him didn't completely disappear) the fact that both Mary Ellen and Chris were quite nice and not rising to it meant that he didn't have anyone to be over-competitive with.
I tell you what I didn't like so much. The narrator constantly harping on about the chef's failings. Mary Ellen had a rough first round and came up late, but still got high marks, which you wouldn't know if you only heard the VO banging on about how precarious her position was. And the epithet they came up with for Aiden was 'three time loser'. Not cool, writers. As time went by I found myself rooting for Aiden more and more. Mary Ellen was obviously nicer and had some cool ideas, but Aiden was so desperate to win and put so much effort in it became quite endearing. He even teared up a couple of times when he got high scores. Bless.
Aiden ended up the winner, but here's my highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - This was a tough one. Phil was condescending and Aiden was bolshy, but I'm going to have to give this one to Guest Judge Rowland Rivron. Because screw that guy.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Mary Ellen. She didn't quite hit it this year but I think she'll do well in the future.
Moment of the Week - The tears of Lex Luther when he finally beat Superman. I mean, won the final.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - A tie between Aiden's beef dish and Mary Ellen's Bathtub of Beans. I'm not a fan of crabmeat, but it did look pretty cool. I love food that's made to look like other things.
Wild card of the Week - Rowland Rivron teaming up with Matthew Fort to make Dad jokes.
Week 4 was in the North East, with (I think) exactly the same competitors as last year. The only difference was the judge was Jason Atherton instead of Nigel Haworth, which produced much rejoicing, as Haworth was one of my least favourite judges of all time. Atherton was alright, but his grammar drove Pete barmy. 'Pronouns are not interchangeable motherfuckeeeeerrr'.
The chefs were Colin (slightly effete previous winner with a dry-ice fetish) Stephanie (mad-eyed eager country lass) and Charlie (dead ringer for the kind of guy who used to hit on me at my old Uni's Alt-Rock nights*, so I remain surprised he isn't actually a 4th year engineering student wearing a Korn t-shirt).
By all rights, this should have been Stephanie's year. She's had gimmicky-fun leanings before, but it seemed that Nigel Haworth (grrr) knocked those out of her last year when he consistently picked on her, even pulling her away for a chat about how badly she was doing (she was doing fine, he just didn't get it). In my view, Charlie was the one who hit the brief, even when it was bit, uhh, much. But Colin was streets ahead of the other two and it wasn't much of a surprise when he won. Having said that, it was really close between him and Stephanie on the final day, and when Tim Brooke-Taylor came back to tell them how close it was I really enjoyed seeing his face fall. He was a bit too smug.
Anyway, the highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Charlie. In a way this series has been a lot more diverse than previous ones. The pricks they've featured have ranged from 'smug prick' to 'annoying prick', but I have to say it's nice to see a good old fashioned 'aggressively competitive prick' again. Well played, Charlie, well played.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Stephanie 'Mad-eye' Moon. Gawd bless her.
Moment of the Week - When Charlie brought up his starter that looked like a dog turd, and Jason Atherton was clearly unimpressed.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - You know, I'm going to go with Charlie's Take Away kebab dish. I know it got slated and looked a bit of a mess, but I think it was a neat idea and took balls. Charlie wins again.
Wild card of the Week - Atherton: 'I'm looking for a plate what delivers good'. Pete: 'Fuck yooooooooou'.
I won't leave it so long next time. Promise
*I don't mean to brag here. Even back in the day I tended to give off a matronly, maternal air, so the Prog fans found me comforting while the Metalheads wanted to corrupt me. Ahh, the alt-rock crowd. I truly was their queen.
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
GBM Week 2: Scotland
So the contestants last week were Michael (dour stereotypical Scotsman), Mark (illegitimate offspring of Wolverine and K D Lang) and Tony (wearisome office joker) from Scotland, all judged by Angela Hartnett (who I'm really quite fond of and was firm but fair in her scoring).
Once again, what constitutes 'funny' was widely open to debate, and actually entirely ignored in Michael's main dish, but the judges exercised their ancient privilege to ignore their own rules if they like something enough. Tony was probably the guy who stuck with the brief the most, but Christ he didn't half get on my tits. That, and the narrator CONSTANTLY referring to him as 'risk-taker Tony' or 'self-proclaimed joker Tony' meant I wasn't too sad to see him dismissed on Thursday, leaving the Undertaker and KD Lang to face it out in the final. Having said that, his wilful recklessness did provide a nice contrast to the seriousness of the others.
This week the odd editorial decision to have a lot of close-ups on people's eyes kind of made it seem like a Sergio Leone stand-off at some points, but despite the programme makers best efforts to try and inject tension, everyone seemed to get on ok.
Michael ended up the winner, but here's my highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Oliver 'I'm feeling generous, and I'm still going to say it's the worst thing I've ever eaten' Peyton.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Angela Hartnett. I'm not qualified to say on this point, but Pete has come up with the term 'GastroMILF'.
Moment of the Week - When almost all the judges thought Michael's dyed red egg yolk looked gross and didn't want to eat it after he'd spent hours cooking it.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Michael's 'Chicken hit by a car' dish. Dark, man.
Wild card of the Week - Angela's up-do that made her look like Captain Katherine Janeway.
Once again, what constitutes 'funny' was widely open to debate, and actually entirely ignored in Michael's main dish, but the judges exercised their ancient privilege to ignore their own rules if they like something enough. Tony was probably the guy who stuck with the brief the most, but Christ he didn't half get on my tits. That, and the narrator CONSTANTLY referring to him as 'risk-taker Tony' or 'self-proclaimed joker Tony' meant I wasn't too sad to see him dismissed on Thursday, leaving the Undertaker and KD Lang to face it out in the final. Having said that, his wilful recklessness did provide a nice contrast to the seriousness of the others.
This week the odd editorial decision to have a lot of close-ups on people's eyes kind of made it seem like a Sergio Leone stand-off at some points, but despite the programme makers best efforts to try and inject tension, everyone seemed to get on ok.
Michael ended up the winner, but here's my highlights:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Oliver 'I'm feeling generous, and I'm still going to say it's the worst thing I've ever eaten' Peyton.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Angela Hartnett. I'm not qualified to say on this point, but Pete has come up with the term 'GastroMILF'.
Moment of the Week - When almost all the judges thought Michael's dyed red egg yolk looked gross and didn't want to eat it after he'd spent hours cooking it.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Michael's 'Chicken hit by a car' dish. Dark, man.
Wild card of the Week - Angela's up-do that made her look like Captain Katherine Janeway.
Monday, 4 February 2013
Great British Menu returns!
It's back! The show that I both adore and compulsively hatewatch. The food looks delicious! Everyone is a bastard! The editorial decisions are questionable! I have strongly mixed feelings about the people involved!
This time round there's a Comic Relief tie-in, and the brief is to create dishes that make people laugh. It's tougher than it sounds as almost everyone appears to be entirely humourless about the process, with wildly differing views on what constitutes 'funny'.
It kicked off last week in the South East, with Matt (the new boy), Tom (the old hand) and Adam (Tiny Phil Daniels with a thousand yard stare). It had all the old features of GBM that I find so fascinating; Oliver Peyton whining mournfully, Matthew Fort being posh and making 'Dad' jokes, Prue Leith brokering the peace, strategic editing that makes it look like the competitors spend 80% of their time eyeballing each other, and, of course, chefs aggressively dick swinging. The only way you can pick a favourite is by trying to find someone who seems a little less prickish than the others.
Here's my round up:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Richard Corrigan. I intensely disliked his leading questions showing obvious disapproval and his wheedling rhetoric. He made me uncomfortable. I shouted at the screen a lot.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Matt. The new boy actually seemed quite nice, and I think he handled the brief better than any of them.
Moment of the Week - Tie between Arabella Weir smacking down Matthew Fort when he tried to pretend that a dish that wasn't funny was just funny in a different way (it wasn't), and in the final when Tom raised his hand to clap it on Adam's shoulder in a congratulatory way, and Adam instinctively put up his arm defensively to block the blow.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Tom Aikens chicken/egg nonsense. Looked fancy, and I'm a sucker for a sabayon.
Wild Card of the Week - Oliver's mint green blazer. Whut.
I'll try and make weekly reports, because the people need to know, godammit. Watch this space.
This time round there's a Comic Relief tie-in, and the brief is to create dishes that make people laugh. It's tougher than it sounds as almost everyone appears to be entirely humourless about the process, with wildly differing views on what constitutes 'funny'.
It kicked off last week in the South East, with Matt (the new boy), Tom (the old hand) and Adam (Tiny Phil Daniels with a thousand yard stare). It had all the old features of GBM that I find so fascinating; Oliver Peyton whining mournfully, Matthew Fort being posh and making 'Dad' jokes, Prue Leith brokering the peace, strategic editing that makes it look like the competitors spend 80% of their time eyeballing each other, and, of course, chefs aggressively dick swinging. The only way you can pick a favourite is by trying to find someone who seems a little less prickish than the others.
Here's my round up:
Biggest Prick of the Week - Richard Corrigan. I intensely disliked his leading questions showing obvious disapproval and his wheedling rhetoric. He made me uncomfortable. I shouted at the screen a lot.
Least Prickish Prick of the Week - Matt. The new boy actually seemed quite nice, and I think he handled the brief better than any of them.
Moment of the Week - Tie between Arabella Weir smacking down Matthew Fort when he tried to pretend that a dish that wasn't funny was just funny in a different way (it wasn't), and in the final when Tom raised his hand to clap it on Adam's shoulder in a congratulatory way, and Adam instinctively put up his arm defensively to block the blow.
Bronwen's Favourite Dish - Tom Aikens chicken/egg nonsense. Looked fancy, and I'm a sucker for a sabayon.
Wild Card of the Week - Oliver's mint green blazer. Whut.
I'll try and make weekly reports, because the people need to know, godammit. Watch this space.
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